#indyref: Alex Salmond told me to monster Claire Lally

At some point yesterday, I, and millions like me received a secret communique from the High Laird of the Scottish Order, Flippin’ Eck Salmond. He instructed us via the previously undisclosed Scottish Internet to recite the Cybernat pledge against quislings, hunt down traitors to oor nation, and put special effort into monstering Claire Lally.

This required a bit of googling on my part, because I didn’t know who Claire Lally was. In my defence, since she’s a member of the Labour Shadow Cabinet there’s really no reason why I would. I follow politics.

Nevertheless, the secret orders from atop the Holy Rood were there to be followed. A fatwa had been declared and I would see it through, along with a billion-strong army of… You know, I just can’t be bothered with this. I’m too annoyed to joke about it.

Against all reason, I read an article concerning Scottish Independence in The Telegraph today. This is a bit like a feminist reading an article in Nuts about gender equality penned by John McCririck. Simon Johnson, their Scottish Political editor, is the cause of my ire today, and it’s not even because of his bullshit ‘cybernat’ scaremongering. At least, not entirely.

The gist of the story (which if you must, you can read here) pretty much goes along with the farce I started writing above. The First Minister’s office orchestrated a campaign of hate against a poor, defenceless woman, who has a disabled child, don’t you know?

That’s my problem. The article opens like this,

“The mother of a disabled child…”

Before any politics are mentioned, my ire is aroused. I don’t know Claire Lally; I don’t know what she’s like. She might be funny, she might cry a lot, she might enjoy gardening or maybe she has a rollercoaster fetish. What I can say without any fear of being wrong however, is that she is not best defined as, “the mother of a disabled child,” as if that were all she meant to the world. One of Claire’s daughters has cerebral palsy but that daughter is not best defined as, “a cerebral palsy kid,” which is effectively what Simon Johnson called her in his bullshit article.

She’s a person, for fuck’s sake. A person that has an unfortunate medical condition, but a person first and foremost. Claire Lally isn’t, “the mother of a disabled child…” but a person who has a daughter. A daughter whose mention in this article isn’t required given the subject of it (First Minister tells rabid bastards to abuse defenceless woman), and so is only mentioned to tug at your heartstrings. To make you feel sorry for her and by extension Claire, and hate the evil people that would wish them harm.

Claire Lally has been presented by the Labour party and some in the press as what effectively boils down to a mum off the street, with no interest in politics beyond a deeply-held belief that we are better together. As I mentioned above, she’s a member of SLAB’s shadow cabinet. She’s a member of Labour’s National Policy Forum for 2015. This is not ‘ordinary’ as The Times reported. This is someone actively involved with politics, which as anyone actively involved with politics will tell you is about as far removed from ‘ordinary’ as you can get. There’s a reason there was such a big protest vote this year.

In any case, given her positions within Labour, it’s likely I have one or two political differences with Claire. It’s possible, if she’s going around talking about ‘saving the NHS’ by voting no, that I think she’s an idiot, or a liar.

I have no interest in her children though, and nor does anyone else who matters so stop fucking writing about them as if their only purpose in life is to be used as a political prop against independence and the SNP. It’s disgusting. They’re people and they’re children.  You’re supposed to be one of those and not the other. Fucking act like it.

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