Why Men are better…

• We tell you the lies you want to hear. We lie when we say we don’t mind your annoying friend coming round, we lie when we say we’re looking forward to your mother’s party and we lie about the dress and your bum. We lie about all of these things because we want you to be happy.

• We don’t manipulate you because we don’t know how and that’s not a failing. We don’t want you twisted around our little finger; we just want you around.

• We accept responsibility for everything that goes wrong in the bedroom. When we don’t get aroused it’s our fault; when you don’t get aroused it’s still our fault. When you don’t orgasm it’s not only our fault but a subject of discontent with the girls. You might ignore the very possibility that the problem might be you but we don’t; we just keep quiet about it because we’re better than that.

• We don’t try and change you. You might see ‘the man we can be’ but we got with you because we respect who you are now. While you say we’re wasted potential, we say we love you.

• We don’t need foreplay. You need an expensive meal and a night out and compliments and a big performance. All we need is you because that’s what we care about.

• We might tell sexist jokes but when it counts we treat you as an equal. Can you say the same? Do you take the bins out or is that a ‘man’s job’? When we make a mistake could it happen to anyone or is it us being a, ‘typical man’? Is everyone going to chip in for the ridiculous wedding that only you want or is it going to be your Dad and us sorting something out?

• We want to spend time with you because we want to be with you; not because we might get some free drinks or gifts bought for us. We don’t expect you to go to the bar when it’s our round and we’re not surprised when you hit the bathroom just before the cheque arrives. Shouldn’t you be a little ashamed though?

• No we don’t care what wallpaper gets put up, no we don’t care what colour you (meaning ‘we’) paint the kitchen, we don’t care about the carpets and we don’t care about the bedsheets. We care about you and so long as we can be with you, things like that really fade into the background. Whatever makes you happy, darling.

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